Exploring My Mind

At this moment, I hate college. I don’t even know what I’m doing & I don’t even know what I wanna do. All I know is that there’s many people who have high expectations for me, and I don’t want to disappoint them. Disappointing them is like disappointing myself. But the high expectations they have for me isn’t something that I intended to have for myself. I just said it in the spur of the moment when they asked what career I was planning on going into. Because of this, I started to believe that it was the career path I needed to go into. The problem is I don’t like it. The more classes I take that’s related to getting into the program for it, the more I dislike it. I have the urge to aim for something lower, that I’d probably enjoy more, but I don’t know if it’s for me. I know I have potential in some certain areas, but I don’t know what career I should put this potential in use. They say do what you love, but I don’t know what I love to do.

This is seriously stupid. Fuck counselors. All they do is keep me irritated and stressed by not letting me know of other options until it’s too late. First there was high school. After I told Honda what my SAT scores was, he never even tell me to try apply. He just said that I should apply for HCC and make Liberal Arts my major. So I did that. During my first semester of college, I talked to a counselor and asked about what classes I should take to transfer over. They told me, and I thought I was set. I felt like I knew what I had to do already. When I started taking classes at KCC the following year, I found out that they had an EE major, which was what I was thinking of pursuing at Manoa, but no, Honda never say shit about this. So instead of changing my major, I decided to just stick to what I already was in and finish it. Started taking all the necessary classes I needed for the Liberal Arts degree. Talked to counselors several times to answer my questions since I was taking classes at two different campuses. Then this semester, I already had my mind set on what I had to do. After this semester, I’d have all my credits. I kept thinking that this is my last semester, then I’m off to Manoa. But sadly, no, that’s the case. Talked to a counselor just to ask a few questions about graduation, but it ended up being a 30 minute session of confusion. She starts off telling me that instead of graduating this semester, even though I can basically just get it already since I’ll soon have all the credits, I should change my fucking major to ASNS - Pre Engineering. Instead of being a Manoa student, I should stick to being at KCC. Since I didn’t take all the necessary classes yet to get admitted into the EE major yet, I can’t start taking certain classes, so I still gotta stick with Liberal Arts. Once there, tuition is gonna be higher and I would need a 3.0 GPA to enrolled into the program. But if I wait it out and change my major to ASNS, I can take the classes I need to get into the program since they’re requirements in this degree, and I only need a 2.0 GPA. I’m tired of school; I wanna get out already. But these stupid complications keep popping up. Friday’s the last day for auto-admission to Manoa and to apply for spring graduation. 2 days to decide how the fuck I should deal with this bullshit.

So I was sitting down at school, waiting til I go to class, I was dozing off a little, and when I opened my eyes, I noticed a guy walking to me from my peripherals. He came up to me, shook my hand, and asked if I remembered him. I said no. He asked if I went Farrington, then Kalakaua; I answered yes to both. I was confused so I asked when he graduated, he said 2012. Then I told him I graduated 2010. Told him he probably mistaken me for my cousin since it isn’t the first time it happened. After mistaking me for my cousin or some other dude, he just stood by me. For a good minute, total silence. Suddenly, he starts asking me if I believe in God. I answered his questions, but in my head, I kept thinking, “aww fuck, you’re one of those guys.” Dude invited me to attend this thing called First Assembly. Didn’t wanna seem rude so I just kept talking with him for a while until I had to go class. Pretty chill guy. Too bad I’m not really interesting in attending though

I procrastinate a lot. Whether it be on homework, projects, or exams, I tend to do things last minute. I don’t even remember the last time I decided to finish an assignment early. I don’t really know why, but whenever I decide to cram myself up with homework, I tend to do pretty good on it. I got through high school that way, so I still have the same way of thinking in college. I kinda like taking that risk of either succeeding in failing. It’s like I’m gambling my grade. It’s either I’m able to finish up the assignment and get a good grade, or I don’t have enough time to finish, turn it in late, and get a lower grade than what I’d expect to have. Gotta change this habit, but my habit is a habit, and my habit is hard to change.

I’m tired of school. I’m tired of homework. I’m tired of projects. I’m tired of exams. I need a break from all of this. With each passing semester, I’m getting lazier and lazier. My brain is constantly being filled with useless information that don’t interest me, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be needing to know them in the future. College is suppose to prepare you for the future, yet why do I feel like I’m getting farther from it? College is suppose to to help you decide on your career, yet I feel more confused than how I did back in high school. I just need a break, from everything.

virginholes:

if all goes according to plan, green day should be waking up in about a week

(Source: dumbegg)

Tanimoto, you bitch. Last Thursday, you told me to go to your office @ 11 today so I can take my exam early, since I have class @ 1, but you’re not even there. I’ve been waiting by your office since 10:30 & you still no show up. Yeah, I can see that you have a schedule on the front of your office, & it says that you’re teaching classes continuously until 1, but like, what am I supposed to do about my exam? I skipped my first class to study, & got to school 2 hrs earlier than I usually do for my 2nd class, now I’m stuck here waiting for your ass. Oh yeah, starting to you hate you now.

I’ve already had my braces for over a year. I still remember telling myself that I hated my braces & I won’t miss them once they’re gone. However, all of my friends who’ve had braces before says that they miss having theirs. I’m starting to think like that a little. It’s like, it’s now a part of me, and maybe in about a year, a part of me will be gone. LOL.

So while I was waiting for the elevator to go to my Orthodontist, I noticed this one lady that walked into the building & went straight towards the staircase. Couple seconds later, the elevator opens up, I walk in & press the floor I needa go to. When the doors opened up, coincidentally, that same lady reaches the same floor at the same time as me, and goes to the office right next to mine. & before she goes in, she says, “I guess it’s a tie.” I wanted to laugh so much, cause it sounded as if it was a competition. Lady made my day!

Fuck, I hate English so bad. I swear, my teacher’s a hater. Throughout most of my life, I would always have good feedbacks when it came to writing essays and English-related stuff. I even was told that I write just like a college kid, when I was still a senior in high school. All of these positive comments made me feel pretty confident in English. Everything changed though, when I suddenly decided to take a Creative Writing class this semester, for college. This gives a writing intensive credit, which is one of two that I need to graduate, plus I thought that it could help me out from not getting writer’s block, so I was thinking, why not? Huge mistake. In essays, I tend to use a lot of pronouns & apparently my teacher hates it, so on my first essay, I did pretty bad. & now, our next assignment is to write a poem. I was like, why not? I do it all the time when I try to write lyrics & stuff anyway. I was terribly wrong. Apparently, this guy hates sentence fragments and rhyming too! Shit, it’s like all the things I enjoy doing when it comes to English, I can’t! Now I have writer’s block cause I can’t think of anything to write about that is descriptive, with no fragments, and no rhyming.